Sometimes I think it is a wonder that once a month, like clockwork, I experience what can only be referred to as 'Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde syndrome' and yet every time it happens, I've forgotten it's due.
This is why it takes me a couple of minutes, at least, to put my finger on why the hell I just shouted the F word down the phone to Himself before hanging up after he questioned my choice of shower gel/felt my eyes well up after a frantic cupboard search revealed I had eaten the last of my airport toblerone the night before/keep avoiding my mother's calls/ had a half-hour crying fit for absolutely no reason whatsoever and/or inhaled two plates of chilli con carne in the space of 5 minutes and then decided to put on some toast.
Take your pick because the list of crimes is endless but I am pleading diminished responsibility for each and every one for as far as I can see, it is beyond my control. It is such an infuriating cliche when men blame a woman's emotions on 'that time of the month'. And it is just as much of a cliche for us women to add fuel to the fire when we use said 'time of the month' as an excuse for the appearance of Dr Jekyll's worst half. The disturbing truth is that the Ms Hyde within us girls who rears her ugly head once a month may very well be more a part of our everyday personality than we care to admit.
Most women suffer some sort of side effects when 'Aunt Flo' rolls into town. For some, it's painful cramps and for others, such as myself, it's horrific mood swings. I'm not kidding. My bad mood will literally swing for whatever unfortunate soul happens to be nearest at the time. Himself refers to me as 'Rage' during this time, and is learning to identify the warning signs, but not fast enough for my liking to be honest. He will still enter a danger zone topic with the most innocent of intentions, oblivious to my now monstrous green face and glowing red eyes as I slowly make the transformation as he rambles on.
It's like when you turn into a vampire (yes, my personal experience of this is limited I will admit, but I have watched enough Buffy and Vampire Diaries to get the drill) and all your senses are heightened - love, hate, fear, etc. Or when werewolves make the change on a full moon and have to lock themselves up so they don't hurt anyone. OK, enough with the Twilight obsession.
It's not a bed of roses being a woman sometimes and finding a way to deal with Aunt Flo, without succumbing to the emotional side effects of her visit, can be tricky. All I'm saying is if there was a free five-star spa we girls could check into for a day or two once a month during that trying time for that little bit extra TLC, Ms Hyde may never see the light of day and all men could sleep easier in their beds at night. Period.
Haha. Be careful though. Despite the universality of the 'that time of the month' syndrome, sometimes things can be lost in translation. I once told an Englishman he was welcome to stay over, but he should be warned Aunty Flo was visiting. A month later, I learned I should have said 'the painters were in'! Bob may be your uncle, but Flo is not everyone's aunt!
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