MY most recent day off was a bit of a write-off to be honest. Granted, death by food processor is probably not the best way to leave this world. But I gave it my best shot last Friday. The machine I refer to was a Christmas present from Himself, something I had asked for in a bid to conquer the Jamie's 30-Minute Meals book I had received as a birthday gift earlier in the year, in which every recipe demands the presence of the almighty slicer and dicer.
Last Friday was the first chance I've had to crack it open and see what all the fuss was about, so I set my mind on Jamie's Potatoes Dauphinoise. After attaching the potato slicer blade, I dumped the other blades back in the box without their protective wrapping. MISTAKE. Realising I needed another device to get it going, I blindly stuck my hand back in the box to rummage for it, scanning Jamie's instructions all the while, and let out a yelp as one of the blades sliced through my finger! Blood, pain, panic and a lot of unladylike cursing followed suit.
Five minutes later, with half a roll of kitchen towel wrapped around the wound and expertly secured with an elastic band - I was out of plasters - I perservered and finished slicing the spuds. Things were starting to look up again as I added the cream and garlic, if you ignore the minor fact that I grated my own knuckle - cue another kitchen roll band aid - while tackling the parmesan cheese. The end was almost in sight but alas, Jamie was nowhere near to stop the entire contents of my salt grinder collapsing on top of my dish when the lid came off. I took a few moments to stare at the mess, breathing very slowly to avoid a complete meltdown, then slid the dish in the oven and hoped for a salt-less miracle.
What happened next I cannot explain nor will try to justify, only to say that I had a very trying day and I was not thinking straight. When Himself walked in and saw the food processor drying off on the dish drainer, he did a double take and then turned slowly around, saying incredulously: 'Please tell me you did not wash that whole food processor unit...' And the penny dropped. 'Eh, no?', I replied hopefully.'Grace, if you plugged that back in now, you'd kill yourself, you've ruined a perfectly good processor!'
Well, by the looks of things that food processor had been out to get me from the start, and I'm sorry, but I am not going to live in a perpetual state of terror every time I open Jamie's book and know I have to see it again. Best to part ways now and start afresh with another one, with no bad memories in tow. It hurt me and I hurt it, there was obviously no future for us.
Turned out it wasn't the best day for Himself either. His girlfriend had annihalated the Christmas present he had so carefully picked out and he was parched for the rest of the night after eating what basically turned out to be a dish of salt with some potatoes mixed in. Finely sliced potatoes in fairness, and with just a hint of knuckle in the cheese...
Sounds like Himself has a lot of entertainment in his life :) He should count himself lucky that there's never a dull moment around you. And Grace, I'd just go back to the old reliable microwave maybe?
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